Foreword,
written by Alex Caron-Schuler

“I’m actually typing this from Charlie’s right now (and on his computer with a broken end-parenthetical key, which is why all my afterthoughts and specifications end with this…(. … Right now I also have some time to kill, as he’s still sleeping off our night–with James, another Northern Hokkaido JET, and various locals–of a nature-drive, an enkai (you could call it a dinner party,

From left to right, Alex, Ki-San and James.

but there’s a little more drinking and raucousness involved(, and karaoke. As soon as he wakes up, we should be off to near-by Nakatonbetsu for a basketball tournament. Wish us luck…”

Chris #4 jostling with a student of his for a rebound.

Introduction

Every night in Hamaton is special, but Saturday night was particularly so, in a town of 4,000, there were six gaijin: locals me, Chris and his wife Ayla, Jared the Nakatonbetsu ALT, Alex the Sarufutsu ALT and James the Toyotomi ALT.  It was James’ first night, as such he was treated to the official Hamatonbetsu initiation, a Ki-San massage,

Unlike Alex, James did not scream the entire time.

Chris and Ayla were having dinner with Jared and his wife whom I met today but whose name I forget, gomennasai, at the Hamreus household.  Friday Ayla said the three bachelors were welcome to join, but Chris put the kabosh on that idea, politely saying it was just going to be a couples evening, really meaning those second class unmarried citizens best stay away.

Worked out alright though, as thanks to Ki-San we had a wonderful evening lined up for us.  Began with a night nature ride, where き drove around in the pitch black and we shined lights looking for creatures of the night.  I was delighted to see the deer and their sapphire eyes, but was not entirely on top of my game, and fell asleep soon afterward when we didn’t see anything for a while.

It probably would of been better if I hadn’t been sitting shotgun, with two Hamatonbetsu guests from Nagoya sitting in the back.

Did wake up in time to see a fox before we headed out to the dinner party.  The next day I learned form James this was a pleasure not unique to the Hokkaido countryside.  Rural areas in Wisconsin do it as well, and it is named “Shining.”  James, though was above such activities.

Party was a feast as usual whenever Ki and Tomoy-San host.  Food started out with locally caught sashimi and a bowl of crab soup, moved on to cow tongue with bean sprouts, dabbled in some japanese pickles, before trying for the first time some genghis kahn ramen – delectable – Tomoy then cut up a crab and put all the meat back into the main shell mixing it with some sake for Alex and James, had some rice with yellow wasabi that was a particular punch to the nostrils, finished it all with some Nagoya specialty sweets.  Washed the meal down with Asahi and “Green” Shochu.

Conversation flowed all evening, noted moments included our Taiko captain calling me a metabol – or, fat ass – several times giggling, and a late arriving Tokyo guest talking about how that same captain’s daughter was a “very sexy girl.”  Seeing the three gaijin eyes light up did not seem to make daddy’s night.

For the にじかい, after party, we went to my favorite snack – or karaoke bar – in town, found out Friday Hamaton has at least 10.  Camera is testing my patience, telling me that it has empty batteries and no memory left one second, then after turning it off and back on, the batteries are full and the memory is unused the next.  Sadly then, I don’t have any video highlights of the evening.

To recap James’ top song was probably an early Snoop track whose chorus I knew but not its name.  Alex killed with everything from Kanye to Backstreet Boys, while I stuck to my roots, with Aretha’s R-E-S-P-E-C-T.  As usual, though Hamaton’s #1 kicked our tails, nailing every note of faster than the speed of light Japanese anthems and putting a smile on Kurt Cobain’s face with his redintion of Nevermind.

Chapter One

Naturally I hit snooze on my 8 AM “Beautiful Day” by U2 alarm Sunday morning.  Got up around 8:20 and rode my bike through the rain to the site of the party.  For reasons entirely unrelated to beer, I had left my car keys, cell phone and, most importantly, murse there Saturday night.  After getting home, I called Chris to see when he wanted to leave – I thought we had to be there by 10, but he said our game wasn’t until 12:30, so I went back to bed to get my body ready.

Chapter Two

Chris drove by around 11:30, and the four of us chatted for a while, mostly laughing at my house’s less than perfectly clean nature.  Eventually James headed home to have some work on his new car, and the rest of us headed South to Nakatonbetsu for basketball.

Chapter Three

Games were running ahead of time, so by the time we arrived, Hamatobetsu’s men’s team was actually in the middle of the first quarter against the high school B squad.  Felt bad, but they were nice and still let the three of us play.

Upon donning my apparently less than flattering sleeveless jersey, my Japanese buddy pointed at my belly and said “fat.”

The results were not impressive, I missed layups on three straight possessions to start, Chris didn’t score either and passed to a teammate’s back, whilst Alex was happy to have touched the ball once on offense.  They gave us a combined eight minutes of floor time.

Sitting on the bench for the entire second half Chris made the spot on observation, “we’re like the white guys on an NBA team.”

Chapter Four

We won big, with our game finishing around 1:15. To our utter joy that meant we had the honor of playing in the championship.  At 5:30.  Chris and I responded by,

Was fine actually, got to watch some good junior high and women’s ball.  The most exciting moment came in other men’s game to determine our opponent.  With less thirty seconds left the  Nakatonbetsu men were down by one, when a Hamaton high schooler hit a 3 to seeming end the contest.  A buzzed hair dude whose shot selection I’d scoffed at all day, walked down the court and immediately hit a 3 in response, showing what I know.

Jared was playing for Nakatonbetsu’s team – well, actually – and stole the ball from an unsuspecting high schooler as they were advancing the ball up court.  A time out was called, and with less than ten seconds left, Nakaton controlled their own destiny.

The high schoolers defended the inbound pass well.  Nakaton was unorganized when they got the ball.  It was soon in Jared’s hands.  He knifed his way to the paint and put up a solid runner, which sadly clanked off the side of the rim.  Following his shot, he snagged the rebound and got up a one handed try with defenders all over him.  Despite his valiant effort it was not meant to be.

Was good to see that one citizen of the country where the game was invented was not entirely embarrassing it playing on foreign soil.

Chapter Five

When the championship game rolled around, we were all felling better.  Got in a real good warm-up, and liked our chances.  Overall the high schoolers were more talented, but our top player was easily the best on the court.  Was a 6′2″ monster who had an all around game, could shoot the 3 or get to the hole at will, block shots and play d on the perimeter.  Despite being the tallest player on the court, he was also our PG.

The Japanese-Robot-Version-of-Karl-Malone, so named by Chris and I for his Malone-inspired offensive game, minus the Mailman’s smooth delivery, started the scoring off for us early and often in the first quarter.  We ended the period ahead by 5 thanks to a late 3 by the monster.

Chris entered the game to start quarter two and did not disappoint.

Chris virtually touching rim going for one of his countless boards.

Not only did he have the title and personal pride on the line, he was playing against his own students.  He was OK with losing, but he knew if had another performance like game one, he would never live it down.

Chris quickly showed the first game was just an aberration.  Hustling on both ends, he grabbed a few boards, and finished with either four or six points depending on who you ask.  He got one foul for giving a student a playful headlock, fighting for position on offense.

The ref was not amused, and she immediately blew her whistle.  This was a serious game, after all.

Chris played the whole quarter, and at halftime we were only ahead by a couple.

Over the break, I worked on my post moves.  Karl came out to play defense for a bit, and despite his four to five inch height advantage, I moved him around at will.

I was on to start the third quarter.  Was happy to not put my father’s college basketball genes to utter shame.  Defense has always been my one and only strength, and I succeeded in stealing an inbound pass.  Alex subbed in for me later, and grabbed a few boards.

With the game tied heading into the fourth, all three of us were kindly told not to think of leaving the bench, which was fine.  Game was tight all down the wire.  Had the advantage by 3 with less than a minute, but back to back turnovers really hurt us.  The high schoolers were settled for too many 3’s however, and we managed to sneak away with a W.

For our efforts, we were rewarded with boxes of bento-ramen, essentially high-end Japanese TV dinners.

Better than a trophy any day.

Epilogue

Doing so much for our team built up quite an appetite.  Ayla gave us a meal of french toast worthy of champions upon returning to Hamatonbetsu.  Capped off the evening with a trip to the local onsen to soothe our aches, by sitting in a pool of scalding hot water with a lot of old, naked Japanese dudes.

Next Episode Teaser

Looking forward to the week ahead.  Alex has challenged me to memorize the Hiragana alphabet.  If for whatever strange reason updates on that front won’t make you run back here, around Tuesday winter is supposed to start for real, and snow from then till April.

Écrit près Charles Jeffrey Danoff
danoff dot charles at gmail dot com
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